This can only mean TRUBBBLE!
by LittleMissPANTS
Summary: Set after ATMBISBM, the last book. Tom moves to London with Robbie for a mysterious reason. He and Jas keep their relationship. However, when Jas and Georgia visit them, it leads to a whole range of situations.. CRAP AT SUMMARIES- BETTER THAN IT SOUNDS!
1. Chapter 1

Saturday 16th July

11:30.

Woken up sehr early by some fringe-flicking swotty knickers (Jas) on the blower. I had planned to sleep extra-late, to celebrate the first day of the summer holidays, but nooooooo. She told me Tom had invited her to come up London for a little while. Why would I be interested? Just because my ex, wait, two of my exes are there doesn't mean she has to invite me. I think I know the reason, though. She (as Bibbsy may say) 'laaaaaaaikes' me. I agreed to go with her after a half-hour of promising Midget Gems. We finally reached a deal -she has to be my slavey girl for three days! Muahahahaha. Sometimes I'm so evil I shock myself.

Ten seconds later

What normal person would hit me over the head with Lord Sandra and do a mad hegg hegg ho laugh?

Fifteen seconds later

Oh joy, in addition to that, Angus has just started clawing my feet in an irritating manner. I can hear little meows and yaps from Mr Next Doors Prat Poodles again. Dear lord. I hope Cross-Eyed Gordy is not curled up with them in the kennel again.

Ten minutes later

Better start buttering up my parents to go to London. I hesitantly head downstairs. Who knows what merciless act of elderly 'love' will I be subject to this time? Will Vati be wearing leather? It has been known in the past.

Thirty seconds later

Aaaaaaaah...phew. They are 'dressed', if 'dressed' means Mutti in a little see-through top and Vati in pathetic Union Jack underpants.

"Mutti...how remarkably toned you look today."

"Jas' father phoned." Vati said, slamming his cup of tea onto the table angrily, and spilling half of it over himself. God ol' Vati. Always gettin' straight to the point.

"I don't know how, but your mother has made me agree to let you go."

Oh huzzah! It's a miracle, praise the Lord! And Sandra! I do a little Scottish jig around the kitchen.

"Thank you Mutti, Vati, muchos buenos." I disappear (not literally -what I mean is a go ring Jas).

2:00pm

"Helloooo?" says Jas.

"Jas?! Jas?! It's me, Gia...Y'know....your bestie?"

"Oh, hello."

"I can come!"

"Come where?"

Oh, really, Jas can be such a twonk sometimes."To London, my best pally."

"Oooh cool. How many knickers shall I pack? I know there's no nature around but..."

"Jas...Jas...Listen. I have to go." Hahahahahaha. She'll never suspect I don't want to listen to her ramble on about herself. "I'm ringing Dave."

Mmm....Dave. Yummy Scrumboes.

Ten minutes later.

Brrrrrrrrrring bring. Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrring.

"Hello, Hornmeister speaking."

"Dave!!" I exclaim.

"Oooh, hello, SexKitty. What's up? Missing the ol' Vati already?"

"No...Well yes but that's not what I called for." I take a deep breath.

"What did you call for? C'mon sexieeeeeeeee, don't keep me in suspense."

"I'm going to London with Jas...to see the scene and so on and soforth."

"Oh." he didn't sound so pleased.

"What's wrong?" I asked him. Stupid question. I knew what was wrong. Dave trusted me 100%...but he had known I had red-bottomosity problems. The fact that Masimo and Robbie were going to be there...just put the icing on the cake (the Dave the tart cake...yum, with whipped cream....shut up brain).

"Oh, nothing. I have to run. Mum wants me for something. Byebye, Georgia."

Georgia....Georgia???? No SexKitty...Or KittyKat?

"I love you." I say. oooh. How weird. How sudden. How formal.

"Yeah, so do I. Who cannot love the Hornmeister?"

I chuckle. "Bye."

Monday 1st August

To London...and beyond!!!

2:00pm

Jas's parents are driving us to London, so I walked up to Jas' house all on my loney. Not for long, though, Dave popped out of a random bush.

"Well, hello there gorgeous." he said to me, and kissed me. Not a proper snog -just a little good-night kiss. Like you'd kiss a sick grandma in hospital. I beam back at him. His eyes are so gorgey -so round and shiny and marvy. But I feel comfortable around him. Like I don't have to pretend to be anything -not a young woman full of sophisticisty and glaciosity.

He walks beside me, his hand firmly around mine. Ahhhh...how sweet.

Ten minutes later.

Arrived at Jas' house. She looked all sly and sneaky. "What you up to, Jazzy?" I ask her. I am in a very good mood. Not even Libby farting like a steam train this morning could put me out of it. We were going to London- we were going to come back glamour chicks. And possibly I'll be a goosegog all by myself.

I turn to Dave the Laugh and give him a peck on the cheek. He snogs me properly. In front of Jas and her parents and everyone!!! Mmmm. Nip-libbling.

Embarrassed, I said to him: "I promise nothing will happen."

"I bet it won't." he looked mischeivious. What was he up to?

"Tatty bye," I said hesitantly, giving him one last kiss. Jas said very formally to Dave the Laugh: "Thank you for coming, Dave. Goodbye for a couple of weeks!" It was heavily emphasised. I almost started crying. Dave the Laugh gave me a hug and said: "Shh. I'm sure I'll see you sooner than you think."

"Two weeks? I don't think so." I sniff and Jas hands me a tissue.

Me and Jas got in the car. She seemed to have packed an extraordinary amount of stuff with her -probably her knickers taking up all the room. Jas' mum has a HUUUUUUUUGE car. she could probably fit about another five people in the boot, let alone the rest of the car.

"Off we go." I say.

"Not yet," said Jas. "I forgot my...uh....Midget Gems. I'll be right back."

twenty minutes later.

It sounds like Jas is shoving a whole rucksack's worth of Midget Gems in the boot. Dave the Laugh must be helping, because I can hear him grunt with effort -ooer. After a few moments, Jas gets back into the car. As I look back to wave at Dave, I feel a stab of regret. He didn't even stay long enough to wave goodbye.


	2. Chapter 2

two hours later

Big city ahoy! I feel as alive as two alive thingies on alive tablets. But that might cause a problem, since if the tablets were alive they'd be vey difficult to swallow. Like having an Angus sliding down your throat, ooer. Or a Gordy. Or Naomi. Or even Vati...shut up brain. I do not wish to sick up all my breakfast cereal over the car seeing as it is the only bit of food I've had this week.

ten minutes later

Oh Lord, as well as being an annoying flicky-fringey thingmabob Jas is incontinent as well.

five seconds later

And you think I'm joking! I'm not. Why else would she have to stop for 'loo breaks' every half-hour? She must keep her pad thingies in the boot. She rummages around in there like no tomorrow.

ten seconds later

Like now. I can't see, though, Jas' (normal) parents actually have that weird boot cover bit. To stop Muttis in their midlife crises seeing all the Jammy Dodger crumbs and glorious array of hair-removal products probably. We should swop cars. However, I do not wish to murder Jas' Vati by accident. Death is a common accident within the three-wheeled clown car owners' circle.

Outside the Stiff Dylans' apartment.

an hour or so later.

"Goodbye."

"Do not get into trouble, honey."

"And remember, love, safe not sorry!"

"We'll be back in two weeks time."

"Call us if anything bad happens."

Good lord. It's like they're leaving Jas in the hands of some phsyco. Then again, they probably think that since I'm not interested in cuckoo spit and such other things full of naturalnosity I'm a weirdo. I'm not. I am perfectly sane most days of the week.

"Yes Mum, yes Dad." Jas says in a very monotone voice.

Finally, all the smoochings and lovings are over.

"Come on, Georgina, get your things out." Jas' Vati said.

Seriously. He called me 'Georgina'. I've only been round his house like, oh, half my life. I treat him to a display of eyebrow-wiggling before turning to the boot, swinging the door open (my eyes still fixed on Jas' Vati of course) and grab the nearest thing.

Hmm. They must have some sort of heater in here, the handle is warm. And very, very thick. Like an arm in fact. I ignore this and haul it out regardless.

One second later

Hang on, did my suitcase just say 'Woah, SexKitty."?

Five seconds later

Oh Jesus Sandra Christ, it's Dave the Laugh. Now covered in muddy rainwater from the gutter he had just been dropped in. I don't know what to do. Scream and shout with joy and pick him up off the floor seems like a good option. Hmm...maybe I could say 'You've Been Framed!' and whip out an imaginary camera.

One second later

Then again, standing there like a tomato goldfish in a miniskirt is a very good option too.

Five seconds later

Good Lord, he's just sitting there in the mud playing with the water as if he meant to do it all along.

One second later

I regain my composture and haul him to his feet. He gets mud all over my white miniskirt in the process. Bum, bum, bum.

He chuckles a little, and lifts my chin so I'm looking in his eyes.

"That's the way to do it, girl, treat 'em mean, keep 'em keen."

"Dave! Dave! What in the name of Slim's gigantic knickers are you doing here?!?!"

"Coming to stay with you, dur."

"Oh. Do you not trust me?" I ask him, a little hurt.

"Oh, don't be silly, Kittykat, of course I do. Jas help set it all up and everything! Isn't she great?"

I eye her. "Yeah, marvellous if you like fring-flicking wotsits." It was at that moment I noticed all the suitcases had been unpacked and her parents had driven off. Leaving us. Standing in a gutter, all muddy.

Jas just beamed. At least she wasn't getting into her huffmobile.

"Were you all scrunched up in the boot of the car?" I asked him

"Only a little. I had Jas' Midget Gems to keep me company. And I had little walkies every half-hour." He is absolutely bonkers.

Ten minutes later

Chillaxin' in the lounge of the apartment

Robbie and Masimo are out. It's just Dom and Tom here, but I'm not complaining. Even though I'm all muddy from Dave, I am quite warm...nothing to do with me curled up on him like some sort of human chair, of course.

Jas and Tom are clinging together like limpets. Dom looks a bit uncomfortable. He must feel like a goosegog. I try to make small talk.

"Got a girlfriend, yet, Dom?"

"No, he hasn't, why, are you interested?" asked Tom. Everyone laughed. I ignorez-voused him.

"Ermm...Is London always like this?"

"What, you mean full of nutters?" asked Dom. Everyone laughed, again. What is this, Pick On Georgia Day?

"No, I meant rainy." I couldn't keep the annoyancenosity off my face.

"Ah. Pretty much, yes." There was a sudden sound of a key in a lock. "Must be Mas or Robbie." Dom said. He looked a little relieved.

Two minutes later

Oh nooooooooooooooo! It was Masimo. What was worse was what he did when he came in.

He sort of walked along in his Luuurve God-dy way he has, making my heart melt. I felt Dave's arms tighten around me. Aw. I had selected a very nice Dave the Tart from the cakeshop of luuurve. I have no need to revisit it. I am happy. HAPPY. Okay? OKAY?

"Ciao, belissima, I am, how you say, very please to see you." He reached down and pecked my cheek. Nothing compared to Dave, though. Nothing.

"Hi, Masimo." I said to him.

"See, Georgia, we could have ..erm...keep our relationship. See how Tom and Jas keep?"

I felt Dave's metaphorical hackles raising. Obviously not his real ones. Since he's not a dog. He's a Tart.

One second later

No, I meant a Laugh. A Laugh and my boyfriend.

One more second later

Although obviously not a Laugh now.

Five seconds later

Masimo is blurbling on happily, not aware of the building tension in Dave. I feel him slip me to the side. Oooer. Possibly to launch himself at Masimo when he got the chance.

"Ah, Georgia, how you say.....you are wonderful as ever. We could have, eh, keep our relationship."

I feel very embarrassed. He is just standing in front of us like a statue. I can vaguely hear Tom and Dom and Jas discussing matters hurriedly and hushed.

"Back off, mate."

It was low, like a growl, coming from Dave. Oh joy, I have half dog, half human for my boyfriend.

"What? I say only how sad I am that Georgia think we cannot keep. Like I say last year, she think only me me me. But that good, that why I like her. How you say...excellent kisser too."


End file.
